March 31, 2009
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My Family Drives Me Crazy
I’m having a hard time with my family lately. Ok not lately but my whole life. They make it so hard for me to like them. I always feel as though they don’t truly know who I am. Or, that they have this sort of preconceived notion of who I am. It’s almost like they are stuck viewing me as a 15 year old.
They’re so concerned with themselves, how they look, what they’ve said, who they know and how much money they have. Also making others feel bad so they can feel better about themselves. Like schoolyard bullies. Truly, I really don’t like who they are as people and would never choose to befriend them if they were not related to me.
I wish I could walk away and never look back.
Comments (48)
I know how you feel. My extended family is like that alot.
aww i hope things look up soon.
hey … you are not alone. The only suggestion is that you have to look past their faults and accept the good things they have. If you really can’t find anything good then ….YIKES!
I know how ye feel, Becca. I have the same problem… I moved to another state after graduating because of it. I wanted very little to do with a few of my family members..
I feel the same exact way. I’d run as fast as I could, as far as I could, if only I had somewhere to go.
My extended family sucks…
and sometimes.. just sometimes I feel like I can’t relate to my family, but truth is, they’re all you got in the end. No matter how bad they are, they’ll always be there for you
Don’t give up hope! Things will get better.
<3
Good thing there are friends!
I am sure everyone feels that way about their family sometime in their life. Can’t give up. yet.
My Dad and Stepmom are like Archie and Edith Bunker.
My Mom and Stepdad are like Roseanne and Dan Connor.
Two great sitcom parents in one broken family.
I do consider myself fortunate.
@Miss_Righteous - actually they’ve never really been there for me. I’ve taken care of myself and my kids with no help from any of them.
awww, dear family can sometimes do that. But dont let them get you down. love you.
I’m sorry to hear that. Family can provide some of the best society in life, and also some of the worst. Just try to keep your head up, and look to other people in your life.
Things get better.
“that they have this sort of preconceived notion of who I am. It’s almost like they are stuck viewing me as a 15 year old. They’re so concerned with themselves, how they look, what they’ve said, who they know and how much money they have. “
this is my family too!! are we related? lol. yes, i can so relate. sometimes i wonder if maybe we’re allowed in these situations b/c it causes us to seek out other people for what we lack in our families. at least this has been my experience. there are friends who are closer to me than my own twin sister. sad in a way, awesome in others. some of my friends don’t have families; they have been orphaned, abused, mistreated, and so sometimes i realize that this all is a blessing in disguise –i look at my family situation and am thankful even for these disappointments.
so maybe that has been your situation too. maybe b/c of your family, you have had to learn how to treat people better, your priorities are probably different, and maybe you have found yourself a real family outside of your blood-related ones too.
Family can be a pain sometimes. Dont know what to tell you.
That explains how I view certain people I’ve encountered in reality.
@DearSnippie - Wow! That’s terrible. I’m sorry to hear that. So you don’t live with them now I take it? Shouldn’t be that hard then. When you have to live under the same house with a insane family.. then THAT can drive you nuts 0_O
@Miss_Righteous - Oh no i dont live with any of them. I moved out of my moms house when I was 16. I couldnt stand it anymore. I’m 32 now.
@YouTOme - nice to know someone truly understands
Sad, isn’t it. I would certainly not like to continue relations with my mother but, I do. I feel family is important and I can tolerate her for the sake of all the others in the family that I do wish to communicate with. My sister always referred to her as my mother, never claiming her as her own. I was happy to marry into my husband’s family. They’re not perfect, either, but they are a lot of fun and much better and seem more normal that what I grew up with.
@weatherbs - oh i love my boyfriends family. they’re a re so nice and loving and actually care about everyone
Thats how I feel about my sister. And it hurts so bad to know that if she wasn’t my sister she wouldn’t be someone I associate myself with.
i have some relatives like this… but they arent my immediate family
You’re not alone. My family has been driving me insase for the last 20 years. Lol.
This post doesn’t look like it’s been up for so long and already nearly 30…(20-ish) comments?! o_o
Yeah, I wish I could get away too. I’m on spring “break” and mostly I’ve had less fun than being in class. D: grrrragghh!
The fun shall come in a week (YES!) and no, that did not sound nerdy, I just rather not be anywhere near “home”.
Right now you may feel like walking away but in the end family is more important than anything.
well I suppose I should feed you the line of crap saying you should be thankful you have a family, not everyone does. Back when I had a family they were a bunch of yoyos and hard to deal with sometimes. they say blood is thicker than water, you can pick your friends but not your relatives, etc etc etc. I would suggest you distance yourself from them for a while and see if you miss them . I admit I do sometimes miss the dysfunctional family that I used to have. Just because you’re related to someone does not mean you have to like them.
Take care and have a good week!
errmm i feel the same too. i think most people have different kinds of problems with their families.
but, u can choose who to be ur lover but u never can choose who to be ur family.
so we have to accept.
at the end of the day, although u say u wish to walk away and never look back,
u are the one love them the most. and so they are the ones who love u most.
oh well its always easy to say to other people but hard to do isnt it?
just take it easy babe!
I wish you the best of luck. Lately my extended family have all been turning on each other and just generally treating each other like shit, which I really don’t understand. I wish I could just get away from it all too
I have a lot of pains with my own family. My mother is very vain and selfish. She’s very into her looks and wouldn’t dream of being seen when she’s not done up. She hates men for no reason…unless of course they have money. If you’re a man and you’re not gorgeous you’re automatically a poor nasty loser.
But she’s needy and picky. She screams and yells until she gets her way. She looks out for only herself. I do everything to please her but I just can’t. She makes fun of me and my sister. And what pisses me off the most is how she makes fun of my brother about his Asperger’s. She’s needed stitches because of that.
It’s just my mother. There’s so much more about her that makes liking her difficult but through it all I just want to be there for her but she makes it really, really hard.
I bascially just want to scoop up my siblings and run away with them. I feel like I’ve been their mother for a long, long time. (My sister is much more independent but I just love taking care of people)
Most times I predict Ill just run off somewhere but I’d feel rotten if my family wasn’t there when I got married or had kids…I feel like their suppose to be apart of that stuff even if my mother hurts my feelings.
Gotta love family. heh.
You could walk away and never look back. That’s a choice we always have, unless they have the resources to hunt you down and drag you back to them. It sounds to me that you respect the family ties, even you don’t like them. That’s good because you build on it.
You need to set yourself up as an independent, well grounded person able to put things in the proper perspective. You can, in fact, love your family while actively disliking their attitudes. The key is understanding why they have the attitudes they do.
Start with why they can only see you as a 15 year old. Could it be to invalidate the fact that you are a good person? 15 year olds are niave and don’t know any better- that’s why you are so nice according to their logic. Do they crave to be more like you? That’s why they may treat you like you are still a kid, so they can live vicariously through you since you are so awesome.
They have to spend so much molding how they are percieved by others because they don’t like themselves. That’s why bullies are bullies, that’s why people are shallow. Because when you dig beneath the surface, they are afraid of what you will reveal. You gotta feel sorry for people like that.
So, there’s perspective. They secretly know you are awesome and secretly feel they suck. Now, don’t be afraid to draw yourself some boundaries with them. Of course, if you are depending on them for anything, be aware that boudaries won’t stick. And then spend less time with them if you have to, which isn’t a crime…
@care@momaroo - thanks for that comment. I dont depend on them for anything and never have. I’ve been independent since the age of 16. I’m 32 now with 2 kids of my own. I’ve done very well for myself. I keep my distance from them and rarely see them. But, this weekend my son had his bday party and they came over. It was hell. I tried staying in the kitchen pretending to clean or cook or whatever. They sat there and just insulted eachother and made each other feel like shit. Even my friend who had never met them came out of the room saying “tough crowd”
Isn’t that how it all goes with dysfunctional families? Even those that don’t seem
I can definately relate to this one. Ive been and always will be the “blacksheep”
The great thing about friends is that we get to chose them. Can’t chose your family. My family sort of drifted when my dad passed. I’m the youngest in an older family. My oldest was only 3, so my kids don’t really know my siblings except for one sister who makes the effort. I know it makes my mom pretty sad that we’re not all buddy buddy. I keep putting myself out there to them with emails and birthday cards to see who will take a step toward us knowing each other again. Time will tell, but until then, I got my kids, my man and my friends and that’s all right with me.
I feel for you. My heavily-devout Mormon family gives me such a hard time. They always try to convert me back. Well, I’ve got news for them, I left three years ago, I’m now and atheist, and I’m not looking back.
Heck, they even give me hell for having alcohol on occasion (despite the fact I’ve given them tons of literature that demonstrates the health benefits of a modest consumption of alcohol).
My heart goes out to you. My family can’t stand me. I don’t like them either, quite frankly. That’s why I keep contact with them minimal. Just focus on the relationships that really mean something to you and it’ll help dampen the hurt a bit.
Friends are God’s way of apologizing fore the family you got stuck with.
Don’t we all know… I’m 17 (still at home and in skool and all) and I’m trying to figure out how people can put up with their families, let alone love them.
My only thoughts are someone else’s: family is the network that God set up to keep everyone in touch with someone. You can pick your friends, your spouse, even your coworkers and all, but don’t loose touch with your fam just because they are annoying. Keep your distance if necessary, but don’t loose contact.
I’m sorry.
I’ve tried commenting here three times and couldn’t figure out exactly what I wanted to say. I do hope everything works out, and I’m usually around if you want someone to rant to.
@DearSnippie - Well, if they can’t behave themselves at a kid’s birthday party, I would think it’d be okay to tell them they aren’t invited to any more parties because their conversation is always toxic and its not good for the kids (or anyone else). Or you could do what I did to get away from my crazy family… move, lol. That way, when they visit, they are at least well behaved for a little while! Seriously, I think it’d be okay to call them out on them making your guests uncomfortable. That’s not cool at all.
Wow I could have written this about my own family. Word for word. Sorry to hear it!
We’re in the same boat my friend. And what a lonely boat it is.
I have walked away, so far, still alive.
I read a quote the other day something like people can be like seasons and if they aren’t around anymore there’s a reason it’s meant to be like that. Most people can’t imagine what it like to want to walk away but the ones who can, know exactly what you mean.
Welcome to my life. But I’m not going to feed you the line of crap that tothers have been saying. If you really feel like that, maybe some distance can be a good thing. That’s what Uni is here for, after all. LOL.
But really, I do hope you have better days ahead of you.
Sounds horribly familiar. Neither my mom nor I have spoken to anyone on her side of the family, save one of her cousins, for almost ten years. It’s a good thing, though…we didn’t need nor want the support of a “family” that knows only contempt. I don’t know if your situation is so severe, or if you would ever need to go that far, but I can totally understand what you are going through.
A friend of mine once told me that “Friends are God’s apology for family.” In many ways, friends ARE your family…and that’s a very good thing.
i know how you feel my mom is even worse she used to do so much to me and still does you can’t run away from your problems it’ll be with you until you fight back but then again whats fighting worth>? family counseling would help a little and then again might cause problems i’m stuck living with my mom and protecting my little brother but my little brother still treats me like crap at times… i just feel like i have to killl myself…i dont agree with killing urself but someday it will drive me up to the point where i just can’t take it any longer and just kill myself i too need help but i just dont know what to do…im extremely emotional and i have anger problems and too much stress in my life but i know i wont kill myself i want to run away but then if i run away exactly where would i go?…i need help…please someone respond back to this comment i need to know what to do because i’m just 14 and i really dont know what to do and no one knows what im going through….all i ever hear is fight fight fight and i just really want to talk to someone my parents probably dont even know who i am i can say my name…say i love you…and they will either say,”huh? who are you?” or “love? your lame” and it just makes me cry so badly i feel left out
i hate my familly with a passion my brother and my two sisters and my two sisters kids piss me off they do nougthing but do and say things just to make me upset i want to move far away but lack of money is causing me to be trapped here and i don’t know how to deal with them i feel like breaking down and crying they really are pain and i don’t want to spend another summer,birthday,thanksgiving, or christmas with them ever again
Yep, know how you feel. My family are generally over-sensitive, selfish, manipulative and controlling. I have spent years trying to free myself of all of the disfunctional behaviours I learned growing up around them. Its only when I spend too much time around them that things start to feel off again, so I tend to keep it to a minimum these days. Thank god for friends.
Hey I’m not alone! That’s nice to know. I hope you the best and if it weren’t for our families we wouldn’t be strong, nor would we be who we are today. The way our families treat us is a learning leason on what not to do at times, but also what to do at the same time. If you loose some one in your family, that’s when you know how much of an impact that person has truley made in your life. Twisted, but very true!
Hang in there!