April 23, 2009
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Dear Snippie (I’m attracted to my co-worker)
QUESTION:
21/F:
I am attracted to one of my coworkers. This guy likes to tease me and make fun of me all the time, so I’ve
been enjoying the attention. We talk quite often outside of work and have hung out several times too. Totally innocent though. I have a boyfriend who I’ve dated for over 2 years now, who I really care about.. but I can’t help but have these thoughts about flirting with and dating my coworker, even though I’ve never actually dated him. What should i do? Is attraction normal in every relationship? My relationship with my boyfriend is everything I could ask for. He treats me so good, so this is really making me feel guilty but these feelings have not gone away for a whole year now. What should i do?
Thanks!ANSWER:
Being attracted to someone is normal. It’s when you act on those feelings that you have crossed the line. So just know that you are allowed to feel what you feel but if you are going to act on those feelings then you shouldnt be with your boyfriend. Everyone has self control. It whether or not you choose to use your self control or not. It’s not difficult. So are you willing to throw away your relationship with your boyfriend for a feeling you have? Think about what’s more important to you. One more thing. Just because you are attracted to someone doesn’t mean that when you are actually with that person it will be a good thing. So now you tell me, what should you do?
Send your SEX questions to:
dearsnippie@gmail.comInclude Ages & M/F
Please rec
this post.
The more recs I get, the more questions I get to answer.
Thanks
, Snippie
Comments (20)
Syou have a crush.
Not going to elaborate on the featured question for this blog… But I did want to say to ya, Snippie – wonderful way to foster insight instead of just giving advice. Good job!
i was thinking of writing to snippie… “drear snippie, im attracted to dearsnippie”. i wonder how that would pan out…
@Passionflwr86 - thanks
@lyricsninja - hehe
thanks for the comment. =)
Okay…always one rule to live by…”Never get your honey where you make your money”! It creates so much havoc after your 15 minutes of following through on your fantasy fun. You say your boyfriend is all you want…obviously not…you have thoughts of this guy. Really…all these feelings you have for the work shmuck is excitement…not worth losing the guy who is all you ever wanted in life…Nor hurting him…and by the way, put yourself in his shoes for a minute. How would YOU feel about this situation? Stop the crap at work and be true to your boyfriend.
Humans are polyamorous. It is completely natural to be attracted by others when dating. If you ultimately can’t resist this guy, break up with your boyfriend first, or be open about it at least.
It sounds to me like you have a really good friendship with your coworker. There is nothing wrong with that. Why dont you hang out with your boyfriend and your coworker at the same time. If the coworker is a person that you really enjoy, perhaps your boyfriend will enjoy his company as well. If your boyfriend isnt comfortable with how you interact with your coworker, work on it from there. If everyone is cool with the situation, then everyone wins!
@ccdow - I started dating a coworker not long after I started at a job. He is now my husband! We never had any problems.
@der_lila_Stern I’m very happy that it worked out for the two of you…
Just because you’re dating doesn’t mean you’re dead. That’s my personal philosophy. I’ve been dating my boy for over two years. Yes, I’m attracted to other men. Yes, I’ve crushed on other guys (and gals). But, I’ve never, ever, done anything to compromise my relationship. Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean we can turn off our biology, which tells us its okay to be attracted to numerous people.
Don’t act on it!
Its ok to find other people attractive…but as long as you are happy with what you have don’t let something mess it up.
c0mment
Sex! EEEEEEW!
Cmmmmmmmm*0*
please think twice before you act i don’t think it’s worth it to throw away a r/s of two year..
it’s not like ur boyfriend is treating you badly right.
I’m in the same situation.
(bf of almost 2 years and attracted to classmate)
I think it just happens.
We’re 6 billion people on this planet and there surely is more than 1 for each person.
So it just happens that you come across people that you feel attracted to.
Its natural.
Just as Snippie said, watch your actions, they have consequences.
However, there is nothing wrong with flirting and enjoying attention.
It’s natural to be attracted to someone else – there’s novelty, excitement, a little more mystery. Don’t allow yourself to entertain thoughts of him or to flirt back.
If you really can’t get him out of your head, if you see yourself looking around a lot, if you’re generally unsatisfied in your relationship, take a break to explore other options – BEFORE you end up cheating and hurting him.
Sounds like good solid advice. We can’t always control our thoughts but we can always control our actions.
I feel like I will be in this same situation sometimes later in life. . .