April 22, 2009
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Dear Snippie ( My sexual urges are gone )
QUESTION:
Male: 21 yrs old.
So this is a bit of a more.. embarrassing thing for me to talk about seeing as when it comes to really ANYTHING sexual or involving sex period, I get a bit.. odd if it makes any sense. Anyways, to the point of this. Normally I tend to have raging hormones and I get horny quite often, but lately, I haven’t felt the least bit of a small urge to masturbate or anything. It’s something not quite common for me and I never once had a problem with anything involving any type of sexual actions, but lately.. it just hasn’t really been seemingly to interest me. Ever since I was broken up with by someone I cared for deeply and thought cared for me just as deeply, I haven’t had any type of urge to do anything. I have had females make advances on me, such as teasing me and dropping hints at me as if they wanted to get into my pants, but I shrugged it off. Heh. I’m not even sure if this is making the least bit sense at all to you. It is in my head anyways.
I guess my question is: Could it be something in relations to my ex or is it just something that is completely unrelated?ANSWER:
You could be really depressed and not realize it. Most people that are depressed have no clue they are. Your girlfriend breaking up with you could possibly be the reason. Depression can definitely cause someone to not be interested in any sexual acts. You should probably go see your doctor and ask him what he thinks because if you don’t take care of this and ignore it things could get worse. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing.
Send your SEX questions to:
dearsnippie@gmail.com
Include Ages & M/F
Please rec
this post.
The more recs I get, the more questions I get to answer.
Thanks
, Snippie
Comments (19)
Good advice. See a doctor.
I agree with Snippie. It sounds like the break up was somewhat traumatic for you and if you were sincerely hurt by it, it might have effected your ability to get close to someone else; for fear of being hurt again. Although, that doesn’t really explain the masturbating thing, but the depression could cause that.
I’m not sure what a doctor could do in this situation, I think all that you can do is wait and see if it lets up eventually. Don’t rush it though just because you think you should be having sexual relations, just let it happen naturally.
not much more to say. i’m going to agree that it’s probably depression related to your recent break-up and that you should definately go see someone about it. it may just end up that you need to let your emotions heal for awhile, but it’s best to see someone professional just to make sure it is something you can handle on your own without intervention (some forms of depression can be very serious and there’s no shame in needing help). i have a feeling that as you deal with your hurt and emotional trauma, you’ll find yourself getting back to normal.
@StewieIsMyHero - a doctor can prescribe meds or refer him to see a therapist
Oooh okay.
I agree with DearSnippie
If you were in a committed sexual relationship with the previous partner, existing or residual feelings of sexual and emotional commitment towards her might be inhibiting your attraction towards other women. In other words – you’re still not over her, you’re mentally and emotionally unprepared to move on, and your body is responding to that when you interact with other women by withdrawing, with sexual disinterest in general.
Depression could be a potential cause [and probably a related cause], as it is known to decrease an interest in many aspects of life in general, including sex. However, before resorting to anti-depressants to resolve your problem, be aware that some anti-depressants have been proven to cause sexual dysfunction [particularly the SSRI variety], and in some cases result in further inhibition of sexual libido.
I think Snippie really said it all here. Don’t worry! These things happen! But do seek medical advice. If nothing else, it can provide something of stability and comfort, because it seems that you’re going through a hard time
Good luck!
Besides what else has been mentioned above. If you do drugs or drink or even are taking certain kinds of medication, it can all decrease desire to.
yes your right depression is a big factor. I had a really bad fight with it about a 4 years ago and it still haunts me to this day. My sex drive had a car reck back in October of “2006″ and has never fully recovered. Sometimes meds, stress can affect you sexually also.
Snippie’s right. Depression. From losing someone you cared about.
Stress may be another thing that may play into it, if you’re working really hard and just extremely mentally and physically exhausted. Maybe eating healthier foods and exercising a little may help boost your sex drive. Doesn’t hurt to try. lol
Depression, drugs, alcohol, psychological issues can be causes especially if there’s a combination of them. You’re right Snippie, seeing a good doc is the best bet.Me, I’m worried my testosterone is low but hey, I’m 53 in a mid-life crisis. hehehehe
Steve
Maybe a few years ago, you were the guy who wanted to hump anything with boobs. But now since your last girlfriend, you’ve realized that you’ve matured and you’re no longer interested in meaningless sex. If this is the case, when you meet another woman who’s totally right for you, your sexual desires will come streaming back.
If not that, maybe it’s simply that you’re going through somewhat of a dry spell. It happens. Sometimes you’re on fire for sex and other times you’re more nonchalant. If that’s the case, your sex drive will come back when you meet someone right for you.
If it’s not any of those situations, you should probably go see a doctor, like Snippie suggested. Good luck!
I agree with the depression theory. You should at least go get checked out. I had no idea I was depressed, but now that I’m on anti-depressants I have no clue how I missed it. I feel so much better (and actually want sex now, haha). You should definitely check it out to make sure it’s not depression.
i think he’s probably just feeling not up to it b/c of the girlfriend thing…and who wouldn’t? that IS depressing/disappointing, whatnot. i’d just say give it time, don’t rush your body…but maybe talking it out with another girl, havign her empathize, etc, would help the hurt/numbness? i dunno…i don’t see what a doctor’s gonna tell him, tho?
I agree with Snippie completely. It sounds like depression to me.
maybe you are married…..
well yes ladies it is true to a point that depression is the key but there are multiple ways to go about it. docter:the doctor will look at you say your depressed and give you some form of anti-depressent and or drug to help his wallet lol to you help. therapist:she/he will first have a heart felt discussion with of you on the topic of your relationship and knod their head and give some word of advice plus the med’s. to help you sleep at night do to your depression.friends: will tell you how it is and to get the fuck over them. depending on the friend.and possible drink/cry with you and say its ok youll find another one there are plenty of fish etc….also depending on the friend. now what i would do as a male nothing piggish ladies. i’d sit my happy ass down think of her and all the good times then think of all the bad times and the in betweens. weigh them out why did i think i loved her at first was it the emotional sexual or spiritual.emotional can work with takes time but you find some one in your mind maybe better. sexual what the fucks you first off long term relationship are not base off of SEX key but not on top.spiritual my favorite you bonded by you spirits pre-ordiane soul mates but if this was in play you shouldnt have broken up…point is figure it out by yourself live your life to the piont that your happy with yourself agian and love should find you good luck..
I don’t think you mentioned how long it has been that you have had the decreased sex drive. After a significant breakup or after being broke up to someone you feel is really a significant person to you can affect people in different ways. Also if this was your “first” it could be a factor.
I’d say if this is less than three months, just give it some time, heal, and let your bodily urges re emerge. If more than three months look at depression. I think your follow up post mentioned you are already on anti-depressants if so have your doctor adjust your levels. If you have started a new one lately, check out it’s side effects. If your not on any try to join a new church group, get some more exercise, and take some good vitamin/herbal supplements. Esp vitamin E, conenzyme q10, ginko, gingsing, and vitamin c. as well as a B vitamin supplement and zinc. This mix can do wonders for your over all energy level and such.
I’m a bit older than you….I think 45 (yeech) this sat. Prob three or four times in my life with a lot of stress or a breakup I have lost all interest for up to two weeks…maybe three weeks on one occassion. So short term it can be normal. Good luck