April 16, 2009
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Dear Snippie ( Having Sex Is painful )
QUESTION:
25, Female
So I have a rather personal question. In hindsight I guess all these questions are rather personal. But anyways. My question. I’ve never been aroused by toys before, and its been rather difficult to have sex in the past. More specifically its rather painful to the point that I’m in tears. So I guess my question is what is wrong with me? I’ve gone to the doc, and there is nothing wrong, at least not physically. I’ve read some research that says it could be a mental thing, but that is just in regards to sex. The research didn’t include vibrators or anything of that nature.ANSWER:
My guess is you’re not using enough lube. You must be very dry.You are probably just not getting wet enough while having sex which usually can cause friction and hurt really bad. There are special creams that women can get for this. Some over the counter and some are prescription. This will prevent rubbing and friction. This is a normal thing for some women. Next time you go to your doctor. Mention dryness during sex, get a prescription for a cream or get some lube and see if that works. If you are still having issues let me know.Send your SEX questions to: dearsnippie@gmail.com
Include Ages, M/F, and details for all people involved.
Please rec
this post.
The more recs I get, the more questions I get to answer.
Thanks
, Snippie
Comments (35)
you could have that condition where your vagina’s muscles are too tight.. ugh forgot the name.. and perhaps size?
hi i actually have a question. But i wanna remain anonymous. Me and my boyfriend are not going to have sex, because we are both christian so we are going to wait. But, we always talked about anal. Now, my question is, can you get pregnant by getting anal ?
Love always,
xx_mylove4youhh_xx
@xx_mylove4youhh_xx - no you cant
I agree with Snippie.
@xx_mylove4youhh_xx - You realize anal sex is still sex, right? So, technically, the only thing you’re “waiting” for is intercourse?
This is why I’m terrified to have sex.
i suppose the best way to know for certain what the problem was would be for me to have sex with her and form a diagnosis from that.
@DearSnippie - Actually I believe I’ve read that it is a slight possibility that the semen could run down from anal and get into the vagina. Don’t know how much truth is in that or how likely it is though.
i extend the same generous offer of assistance to all of your female questioners who aren’t grotesquely ugly.
Although I am a doctor, I have no advice for thee, due to the simple fact I have no vagina. Sorry.
@Paul_Partisan - Vaginismus
@OmgaPhnx - not if she uses a condom
She didn’t specify where/how it was painful, but if you’ve gone to your doctor they’ve probably ruled out all the typical culprits (PID, cysts, etc). If it’s dryness, that’s easy enough to fix. If it’s tightness, it could be involuntary muscle spasms (vaginismus) which can be caused by physical or non-physical reasons. Talk to your doctor again and be very specific about what you’re physically experiencing.
@DearSnippie - That would be smart, lol
I first think you may want to get a second opinion. Regardless of whether its mental or physical, its something for a doctor to address with and help you work on. You should have not been left to deal with it on your own after you sought help, especially since you sound like you really want to enjoy sex. That’s not always a complaint taken seriously by some doctors (or something that has mandated steps dictated by your insurance company).
There are a few very common causes of painful sex. The first is vaginal dryness, like Snippie said. Sometimes its happens just because your hormones aren’t kickin’ it, especially common as you age. Sometimes its just because you aren’t getting aroused enough. Try some OTC lube during sex (available at any drug store), like suggested and maybe even more foreplay.
Many times, women will developed cyclic cysts on their ovaries. They come on just after ovulation and eventually disappear towards the end of your cycle, only to come back again. Generally, they go undected, until you introduce a penis into the equation and then ya run out of room in your insides, causing pain.
Sometimes, the cysts don’t go away on thier own and the amount of pain increases as they grow. A cyst will eventually push on your bladder meaning more frequent urination, cause general discomfort, irregular bleeding and even mimic pregnancy symptoms in some cases. They cannot be confirmed without an ultrasound. If you use hormonal birth control, the chance of getting cysts is smaller, but not impossible, which is why many doctors overlook this as a cause of painful sex.
Another thing to consider is if your partner’s size. Could he be hitting your cervix during sex? Some women enjoy this, while find it horribly painful. Toys also can be quite large, so the same can apply. If its too long and you knock it into the cervix, it can really freaking hurt.
Regardless, good luck to you!!
@Katharsis - LOL!! Nice one.
I haven’t seen this advice but it could also be a yeast infection. Whatever it is, you should see a gynecologist to get an expert opinion.
@xx_mylove4youhh_xx - You should try to hold out and wait. =) I know it’s hard because I’m in the same boat…but if you really want to follow God’s word, then doing everything but intercourse is just as bad as actually doing it. The goal is to keep a pure state of mind, and even if anal sex can’t get your pregnant, you’ll eventually wear down your defenses, and give into full blown sex because it’s just a step away. I would think that anal sex would be even more personal than intercourse. But that’s just my opinion. Whatever you do, stay safe and seek God’s help.
Yep… lube was my first instinct.
Oh goodness. For some reason when I read about the muscle tigtening condition I flenched. I don’t know. It sounds painful.
ANYWAY. Get some lube. Dry sex does hurt very, very much. And that’s my best guess as to what it is. If you’re worried about the pain before intercourse, then chances are you’re turning yourself off meaning your vagina isn’t getting wet naturally.
@xx_mylove4youhh_xx - I thought you wanted to remain anonymous?
could be a side effect of birth control, if she is taking any. or maybe any other medications she is taking.
@Paul_Partisan - yea, thats what I was thinking.
i meant my name beinng anonymous.
and thank you for the advise everybody :]
i believe your answer is quite accurate and helpful
. im like that as well, and a little or a lot of lube helps.
@CrunchyMountainMomma - ok thank youu :]
@xx_mylove4youhh_xx - And if you’re waiting to have sex because you are Christian, I’d just like to point out that anal sex is against Biblical principles anyways.
For the person asking the question featured, arousal as much as you can get would be key, for lubrication as well as internal pain. The vagina physically lengthens when fully aroused. And position plays a huge part in pain factor as well.
@Ex_Adyto_Cordis - Your advice is the best here. If someone has a real problem like this, seek a professional’s advice. Wasting time here could make a big difference, especially if cancer is involved or some other underlying problem. Every day that goes by could make the difference between an easy cure or something very bad happening. Get to a specialist ASAP.
@xx_mylove4youhh_xx - You can’t, but your best bet is buying condoms anyway.
The REAL reason is because… She doesn’t brush her teeth enough.
@Ima_BearKat - She would still be considered a virgin, though. That’s how it works for me.
This has happened to my gf before….I found that the problem (at least for her) is that if she isn’t really horny that I have to engage in foreplay for a little while or else sex hurts the both of us pretty bad
Endometriosis – check it! Serious and frequent affliction of women. Can’t believe no one suggested it.
Also, probably by now the thought of sex makes you uncomfortable because of all the past experience with pain…so when you try it again make sure you really relax yourself. And make sure your partner is very well aware of what is going on. Good Luck!