blog that you’ve written? Post the link to it.

QUESTION:
I’m currently in a dating relationship with a woman who has claimed, until very recently, to be a lesbian.  I am the first man she’s been with since she came out roughly six or seven years ago and because it is a different experience fom her I am trying my absolute hardest to be considerate and take things slowly.  The preamble to my question: I can’t help but feel insecure because I am most certainly not her usual catch.  I’ve approached her several times on this subject to discuss these insecurities and each time she’s seemed offended that I would feel that way.  My problem is that I just keep trying to imagine the inverse of the situation and I could never imagine myself romantically involved with a man– so I have a hard time understanding where she’s coming from, although it’s obvious that she’s attracted to me.

So the question: How do I deal with these insecurities?

-A Confused Lover

ANSWER:
You just have to deal with them. You can’t depend on other people to make you feel better. It’s all within you. If you don’t feel strong enough to be in this relationship with out questioning her motives all the time then maybe you shouldn’t be with her. Otherwise you’re just going to have to trust her. If you don’t, your relationship won’t make it.
Talk with her about these insecurities but don’t put the pressure on her to make you feel better. Just let her know how you feel and that you will work on it.

Send your relationship and sex questions to:

dearsnippie@gmail.com

Find out what everyone thinks without them knowing its you! Please DO NOT send me questions that you have blogged about or have posted on an ISH site!

Include Ages, M/F, with as many details as you can for all people involved.

Buy one thing under $500, what would it be?

Question:

Dear Snippie,
My boyfriend (19) and I (18) have been dating for about 3 months now. We live an hour apart, but we see each other every weekend. Recently though, he’s been acting weird. At the beginning of our relationship we were always texting and on the phone with each other when we weren’t together (which was rarely).. But now I’m lucky if he calls me to tell me goodnight. I’ve gotten so frustrated recently that sometimes I just ignore his phone calls (yes, I know that it doesn’t help to ignore him). When we’re together it’s like he’s somewhere else. He’s always distracted… And he talks about other girls including his ex 24/7.

Then, a few weeks ago, he told me he couldn’t see me for the weekend because he was having a ‘family weekend’… Which didn’t bother me at all except for the fact that his brothers would bring their girlfriends most likely. And then he tells me that he’s going out of state with some friends… I thought of this as a lie, but he keeps trying to tell me he didn’t know what he was saying when he told me the family thing. Why does he never ask me to go out with his/our friends anymore? Am I not good enough for him or something?

Answer:

My question to you is why you think he’s good enough for you? Obviously he’s not treating you the way you would like to be treated. So what makes you think he’s so great? Why automatically make it your fault? Maybe you should re-think being in this relationship because it doesn’t sound like either of you are happy.

Send your relationship and sex questions to:

dearsnippie@gmail.com

Find out what everyone thinks without them knowing its you! Please DO NOT send me questions that you have blogged about or have posted on an ISH site!

Include Ages, M/F, with as many details as you can for all people involved.

one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Male
21 yrs old.
20-fiance

My girlfriend and I…well..correction.. fiance.. and I have been together for a couple months, known each other for 5 months prior to dating. I had found out recently through a friend of ours that she still thinks about her ex and that if he had asked her to, she would drop everything and move to be with him. I noticed that she’s been really out of it for the last couple days, since the day I was told that by somebody. I really want to talk to her about it but I can’t.
I guess my question is.. How do you talk to the person you’re dating about something, without making it seem like you have doubts or know something prior to a conversation between her and someone else? We have already broken up once because I had doubts and I don’t want to lose a friendship because my fiance knows that I was told about a conversation. I just don’t want to seem like the jerk because I never liked this guy to begin with due to hurting her, but I don’t want to feel like that when I move myself to go be with her, the second he says those magical words, I’m right back home and she’s gone.
I don’t want to risk losing her, I love her too much. Any advice?

Update:

Thank you everyone for your advice. I will definitely keep them in mind for future reference upon any relationship. It is my fault for not contacting Snippie about this, but due to a bunch of complications, I have been unable but as of last night, she broke it off with me. For reason I do not wish to get into, but I will keep the advice you have given me in mind. Never know when someone might run into this situation again. Heh. But nonetheless, again. I thank you fellow Xanagans for your help.

Send your relationship and sex questions to:

dearsnippie@gmail.com

Find out what everyone thinks without them knowing its you! Please DO NOT send me questions that you have blogged about or have posted on an ISH site!

Include Ages, M/F, with as many details as you can for all people involved.

Question:
Hey Snippie,
My boyfriend recently told me that he loved me. I was elated, of course. But before he told me he loved me, he said that while he and I had recently broken up, he might have gotten another girl pregnant. This of course worries me, as it would any person. We don’t know yet if she is indeed pregnant, but the complications this would cause in our relationship might tear us apart. I love him dearly, and don’t want to lose him, but I know I’m not ready to take on another woman’s child, if this other woman decides to keep it. I know he would fight for custody because this other woman is in no way ready to handle it,and is adamant in pursuing my boyfriend for child support which he doesn’t want to pay. Do you have any advice?

Answer:
You didn’t really include a lot of details like age and how long you have been together. So I’ll try to give you the best advice I can.
There’s nothing you can do right now until you find out whether or not she’s pregnant. But if she is pregnant then I think you should figure out whether or not you really want to be with him. This is not about you and him anymore. It’s about this child. So think long and hard on if you want to be a mommy or not. Because if he fights for custody thats exactly what you’ll be. A mommy.
Keep us updated.

UPDATED:
Well, to add details, I’m 19, my boyfriend is 23, and this woman is 30. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months now, and this is the first time he’s ever said he loved me. We recently found out that this woman is indeed not pregnant, but I’m still confused as to what my boyfriend’s motives might have been in telling me he loved me. Was it just because he knew I might leave him when he told me about the other woman? Do I just trust him, and take him at his word that he honestly loves me? This whole situation has really brought our relationship into question for me.

Answer:
Your not sure what your boyfriends motives were? Do you not feel like he loves you? Has he not said it since you found out she’s not pregnant? If you want to be with him then I think you’re going to have to talk to him about how you feel. Obviously you’re confused and need to get some things out in the open.

Send your relationship and sex questions to:

dearsnippie@gmail.com

Find out what everyone thinks without them knowing its you! Please DO NOT send me questions that you have blogged about or have posted on an ISH site!

Include Ages, M/F, with as many details as you can for all people involved.

• How are you?…no I mean like are you happy and secure and content at where you are in life today…what are your aspirations for the end of this year?
• I’m am completely happy and satisfied for where I am today in my life. No need to fix what’s not broken
  
• Hmm … what’s the best life lesson you’ve learned Xanga-ing?
• Not to let the bad comments get to me
  
• Can you quantify how happy you are with your relationship right now? If yes, how happy are you?
• It’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. I couldn’t be happier with anyone else and never have been
  
• why do you go by snippie?
• This is a long one. My x-husband was from South Africa. His first language is Afrikaans. He moved here when he was 18. He thought the word Snippie meant Cute. So he would call me Snippie. I would get ruffled because I didn’t understand why he was calling me that when I wasn’t being that way at all. So it just kind of stuck as a nickname.
  
• What is one lesson that you have learned since you were a teenager?
• Well I had to grow up pretty fast. So I guess the best lesson I’ve learned is to be yourself and not worry about what others think of you.
  
• what is a typical day in the life of snippie?
• A typical day. Wake up with kids. Get them ready for school. Get myself ready for work. Get to work at 9am. Lunch at 12:30. home at 5pm. Homework with kids (take them to sports). Dinner. Clean house. Then collapse on my bed and get on Xanga and watch some tv. Sleep around 11 or 12pm
  
• Would you please name a favorite song?
• INXS Never Tear Us Apart
  
• what’s something you’ve told yourself not to do again..but you did anyway?
• Smoke
  
• taking your life as a whole, would you do it all again exactly the same way? 
• Yes I would. The only way to get where I am today would be to do it exactly the same.
  
• What made you think to yourself that you were qualified to give relationship advice? (This question is not meant to come across as accusational, just curious. I think you give great advice.)
• Well, I didn’t really. I was talking to some friends in the BFN chatroom and the topic turned to sex. I was the one answering all the questions. At that time I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my Xanga and someone suggested I should do this. So I tried it out. And so far so good!
  
• What is your greatest accomplishment?
• My Children!
  
• What have I got in my pocket?
• How the fuck should I know? LOL
  
• Only one question. Are you OK tonight, Becca? That’s all that really matters.
• I’m fantastic!
  
• If you could travel anywhere in the world and money wasn’t an issue, where would you go?
• Italy. I have relatives there I would want to see again.
  
• would you shoplift nachos, smoothies, cucumbers, and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream in one outing?
• Nah, I dont steal.

• If you could hypothetically change places with one person for one day, who would it be and what would you do?
• I would want to change places with a man and see what it’s like to have a penis. Spell my name in pee

• Do you wear socks to bed?

• no
  

• In your role as sex therapist, what is the funniest question you have ever been asked?

• Probably this one
  

• How do u cope with pain

• I take medications, get  massages, cranial sacral work, physical  therapy and trigger point injections.
  

• Favorite sex position? .

• Doggy Style
  

• Have you had “the” talk with your boys yet? How did you approach it?

• I have. I have talked with them very openly about sex for awhile. It wasn’t just one talk. It a continuing conversation.
  

• are you a wild sleeper? like when you are asleep are you all over the place in bed?

• Ask my boyfriend
  

• Do nudists get pin-ups of people with clothes on?

• Im not a nudist so I have no idea
  

• How can you tell if your friends only are your friends out of pure pity or not and, if you do know, how do you deal with it?

• Pity? for what? Not sure I understand this question.
  

• If you could ‘fix’ one thing in this country, what would you ‘fix?’

• Health Care. I think everyone should have it.
  

• why!?

• I don’t know

You get to ask me 1 question. I will not answer and nasty questions. So what do you guys wanna know?