February 27, 2009
-
Dear Snippie (My man likes me on top)
Question:
Age:22 F
Dear Snippie,
I’ve just come across your site on xanga and thought maybe you could help me with this…
My boyfriend and I have gotten to the sexual stage of the relationship. So, we’ve had a talk and everything was fine, we even mentioned different positions and such. We shared our favorite positions and his was the girl being on top. He told me that it takes him a long time to orgasm when he’s on top, so I told him that I like being on top sometimes… so that was kinda fab.
But now, I’m constantly there… even when it starts off with him on top… we end up switching places. I’m having thoughts on whether he is even able to orgasm when he’s on top. Also, not only being on top I feel like I’m ding all the work because he just lies there now and expects me to jump on. I’ve tried letting him take the lead, but he doesn’t. I’ve even jokingly said “why don’t you be on top sometimes?”
What can I do now?Answer:
How about not telling him in that joking manner. Tell him seriously. You’re not going to get him to understand unless you explain it to him. That can be with everything in a relationship. So before you guys have sex next time talk to him about it so it won’t be an issue. You can tell him you want to try new positions. But dont make it sound like has done anything wrong, because he hasnt. It’s not his fault that you haven’t spoke your mind.***********************************************Send your questions to:
snippiesblog@gmail.com
and find out what everyone thinks without them knowing its you!
Please do NOT send me questions that you have blogged about or have posted on an ISH site!
Please fill this out for the email:
Age ___ M/F ___
Also try and include as many details as you can.
I can’t do these post without questions.
, Snippie
Comments (34)
Definitely try to express yourself as clearly and thoroughly as possible to him. What about trying more positions too, like on your sides or doggy style? There are plenty of positions you both could participate in doing together.
Of course, talk to him… But also, there are other positions besides him on top and you on top, as @Ex_Adyto_Cordis says. You can google some and make a game out of performing them =D
A work friend shared with me that her first live in BF was like that. He never did anything to her and she ended up doing it all. Persoanlly I think the guy was a moron, cuz she’s HOT, and wouldnt have to even ask me twice for anything. Men like this have a ‘me first’ mentality, if you think you will change that, good luck.
Try new positions. Some positions work better than others for certain people, and clearly he prefers you on top to the missionary position. Now, you can go to Google and search for sex positions. There are a lot of great sites that show tons of positions.
When you find several more positions that you both like, you can both enjoy sex and you won’t always feel like you’re doing the same old thing. Good luck!
Let me add the thought that maybe he gets off on you being in control… maybe he is even submissive. Sex should still discussed after the first time. The convesation should never end. If you don’t speak up or start the conversation rolling, he’ll think everything is perfect.
yeah, honest communication is key… he probly doesnt know how you feel about it. though, it is also possible that he IS being selfish, and that is not a good indicator overall… and keep in mind theres other positions than just missionary and girl on top..
and.. it might be a good thing if it takes him longer to orgasm…
you could maybe point that out.
Yeah definately need to talk to him about it. That will be the only thing to change it.
First, a warning from personal experience: don’t ever do anything on top that you are uncomfortable with. There is a possibility of hip dislocation if you try something tricky from a strange angle. (Although when this happens, the male gets infinite bragging rights with his guy friends.)
That being said, openness and honesty. If you were slow into moving into the sexual part of the relationship, then you were probably doing so to avoid certain situations by getting to know each other better before diving into bed. This is one of those situations. Sex should be something you both enjoy. If you’re not enjoying it, you’re not doing it right, and you need to amend that.
Maybe you can try approaching him after you get home from whatever and then get into some sort of kinky/lust-filed mood and then in a sexy and provacotive way say something like “hey baby lets try new positions”… ya
LOL Just don’t have sex with him until he promise to change.
Maybe he just prefers the woman on top.
To me, nothing’s better than looking up at a beautiful girl while she’s doing what makes her feel good. I love it when the girl is in control, and let her know that she should do what makes her feel good. Because I’m enjoying the show.
However, it is VERY easy to get into a sexual rut. Make damn sure to let him know that it gets boring doing the same positions all the time. Not “jokingly” but seriously.
But at the same time, also remember that not every person finds EVERY position in the Kama Sutra enjoyable. You’re guy may just have a limited repertoire.
Sex is give and take, and your guy should keep your desires in mind instead of just doing what he likes. Maybe he’s missing out on things he just hasn’t tried yet.
Honesty. Communication. Yeah, those have been gone over ad nauseum here.
But here’s something to think about. The one on top is usually the one in control. Think about it
Tell him.
Snippie, you always say it best! It’s almost like you need to disable comments on your posts because you hit the mark almost every time!
I agree with Snippie… communication is the key! Also you should never ever let the man have the upper hand when it comes to sex. Women have control in that department. (Just kidding guys!)
Anyways, men sometimes like to have the feeling of being dominated… maybe your boyfriend feels that and enjoys it. However again, you need to express to him that your needs have to be met as well. Talk to him seriously and like Snippie said… Do not make him feel like he did anything wrong. That is a big no-no
My answer to almost every question asked here is always communication. People honestly have no idea how much honest communication can do for their sex life. I once dated a guy that only liked me on top, and trust me, it gets old very quickly. It’s fun at first to be in control, but after awhile, it just gets to be work and you want something more fun. That’s when you communicate!
communication is key. i, personally don’t mind being on top so much. seemed that was one of the few positions that actually lasted for a pretty long time and was not total dullsville.
try to get him turned on so he will take the first move and want to be on top of you!
Yeah, just tell him that you don’t mind being on top but it’s getting to be excessive.
My ex was that way…until one day I layed on the floor and was pretending I was dead and just reached up and squeezed the air like it was boobs. Then flopped my arms back down. We were able to laugh about it that way and he still got the hint.
There is always trying it standin up. That way no one is really on top, unless it is a doggystyle thing.
Everyone has pretty much covered this….and I agree with them.
Sounds like he’s being lazy.
And lazy in bed = boring in bed.
Tell him to get off his ass =]
Definitely be open and COMMUNICATE with your man. Tell him what YOU like too. The plus side of you being on top is that it’s a good way to control what’s going on, but let him know that you want something different. Trust me, they can’t read minds even when you hint and joke.
story time
my ex boyfrend he hated being on top
but i hated being on top
so we had this huge fight
and i said i wasnt doing it then
and he said fine
so we sat there on his bed in quite and waited
five minutes later we were all over each other and
we ended up sideways
so it really didnt matter anyway
lolz
@JigglyGumdrops - ha! i can always count on you
@jewjewbeedragon - wow thats so sweet hon! thanks
Communicate. Tell him you’re bored with the current position and you would like to try something new. He just wants to satisfy hiumself rather than the both of you, very selfish. Maybe you need to be with a romantic….?
Hehehe
Look through Cosmo, they have some very interesting positions to try out
hey, good advice Snippie!
I really can’t think of anything I’d add to that
Haha, sounds to me like he’s just lazy.
wu was right about you clogging up the system a bit. were all flawed though right? dont worry about it my opinion doesnt matter and this things full of all sorts of buttons that do crazy things
Buy a set of those “sex position” cards and cut a deal to select one (two or three) to use in that session.
It’s not about Communication it’s about being a selfish ass. Freaking kids…. everybody thinks their partner should pleasure them…. they need to get their head out of their ass and think about pleasing thier partner then the whole ‘how we have sex” issue would be a non-issue….. it’s all about pleasing your partner, not what your partner can do for you. I do what pleases her, she does what pleases me…. we please each other, we have great sex….
Stupid kids haven’t got a damned clue, then they wonder why they aren’t married or getting divorced after 2 years
Yeah, you should definitely talk to him about it. Communication is key in a relationship.