February 26, 2009
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Dear Snippie (I like a married man)
Question:
19 female i have this friend i think he likes me but im not sure he told me that he doesnt want a relationship because hes married but his signals say something else he smiles when he sees me when we talk he locks eyes for like 2 minutes and looks away and looks at me he did that the whole time we were talking i think he was blushing a little but he wearing a red shirt so its hard to say lol and i think he was looking at my boobs and my legs i noticed how his eyes wondered when i talked to him he even said one time when i was playing around saying sorry for the hard time and he said with a smile and a look ”its okay i gave you a hard time back” i like him but i dont know what hes doing maybe he doesnt want to hurt me i dont know can you help me put together the missing piecesAnswer:
STOP! Do not even think about liking this man. He is married. If you have to, stay away from him to get over him. But do not even think about getting with him. So it doesn’t even matter if you he likes you. He is off the market and you should know better! There are plenty of single men out there that you could find for yourself.***********************************************Send your questions to:
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Comments (64)
MARRIED MAN. Oh dear.
If you want to be seen as a home-wrecker some day, I would go for it. If not, then don’t even think about it.
Nineteen is too young to be stamped a homewrecker. Stay far away from that, girl.
The missing piece is this: You are an idiot.
He is MARRIED. You do not ever fool around with someone who is married. Ever. Period. End of story. I don’t give a shit what you’re feeling, or what your hormones and emotions are telling you. This is a bad idea. Stay away from him and stop flirting with him. It will end up MUCH worse in the long run if you continue down this path.
Also, don’t get into a relationship with anyone until you learn how to use basic punctuation.
Don’t be the subject of a country music song! Walk away from that now!
Good advice
This is going to get you burned. There is no way I could ever advocate this. It isn’t some romantic comedy, where he will leave her and love you.
Whoa. It seems to me like you’re just LOOKING for signals that indicate he likes you. From the way you describe the situation, he’s already conflicted; don’t make things harder. You need to distance yourself.
1st: Can you live with yourself knowing that you wrecked that marriage? Think about his wife. You do harm to her too.
2nd: Do you really want a man that’s willing to leave his wife for you? If he can do it once, doesn’t that just make the second time easier?
3rd: Is he even giving you signals or are you misinterpreting normal male actions as signals? Remember, males give different signals than women. They’re usually more blunt about showing they like you. Just because he’s sizing you up doesn’t mean he wants a relationship.
My advice: Stop looking for signals. Back off. He’s off-limits. Don’t even think about it. You really don’t want to go down that road.
LAWD A MERCY…girl just say no.
You are messing with a some womans husband. And just because you perceived him as being flirty and nice, doesn’t mean that she is going to take that into consideration when she bust up in your door with rollers and babes in tow! You never want to take another womans husband, just like he left her he will leave you.
And to top it all off…that is just not cool.
@CiaoBella810 - hahahaha…i think that pretty much says it all. enough said.
seriously. go find your own man.
I tend to be attracted to a$$holes, not the kind of man I want to be with. I just back off, out of site out of mind. It will be hard but you will get over it and move on to some else. Some one single who will like you for you.
Girl, your young. Your love life experience is young. Put yourself in the wife’s position. What if another girl was asking these same questions about your husband? Now… no matter how aweful he says, you see this wife being, you still have to think to yourself, do I really want to damage hearts. Have you ever been cheated on? If yes, just amplify that a billion times once your married….even if the two hate eachother, it still hurts deeply. never been… well trust me… you dont want to know. Next… ask yourself… what kind of person do you want to be, and what kind of person you would be by doing this? You may or may not see reprocussions at the time…. but, life has a way of punishing us for “unsportsman like conduct”. Next…. think to yourself… what kind of man is he? Seriously… if he cheated on his wife to be with you… dont you think he might do it to you? From expierence I can tell you, people with no regard for others feelings, people who are selfish and always “live in “their” own moment” are people who tear people down as an art. Its like they are addicted… do you really want that for yourself? It is ultimately your decision, but really is it worth it?
Plus, all men love a great body…. dont mistake that for “love” wanting a relationship etc… lust… thats how porn was invented…. they get their fill… then go back home to their wife…. do you want to feel like that?
Definitely walk away from this one. Put it out there that you two will only ever be friends because he’s married. If he can’t take no for an answer, then you need to tell him that you WILL tell his wife.
If he tells you that he plans to leave her, then you need to tell him that you’ll see him when the divorce is final.
Odds are he’s just trying to get in your pants and you’re only going to get very hurt over this whole matter.
Think if the roles were reversed and there was some other woman doing this to/with your husband. Not so good, is it?
@sammyjo_1 - I totally didn’t see your reply when I wrote out mine. But.. great minds and all
Sounds like big trouble. A red shirt? Seriously?
Whoa.
Stop, before it goes any farther – if you were married you wouldnt want someone flirting or even thinking about your husband in that way. Wrecking a marriage is not the way to find love. OR you can think about it like this….
If he’s willing to flirt with you and he has a “Wife” .. and the marriage becomes broken..and you all get together….what do you think he will do when he finds someone else to be attracted to..It will continue to be a life of repeated heartbreak. Not something any girl would want.
looks like he’s “in lust” with you.
There is an old phrase that goes like this “If he will do it with you then he will also do it to you”. A man who would cheat on his wife is probably not a man worth having…….. Men with wives or girlfriends who even drop the tiniest hint they are interested in me go straight to the top of my shi* list ~Echo
I just stopped by because I had to see what all the fuss was about
I love the Q & A format you have, and I’ll admit… I’ve been through some of your older posts because I love how diverse your readers are and some of the questions are actually ones that I could have written myself! It’s craziness 
Anyways, I love your site and I hope you get more questions!
Life is full of temptations – this is one of them. Best thing to do is to not get involved with him as he is married. The fact that he is married and he is showing interest in you, it just shows he is not loyal or worth your time. I know you’ll be hearing this a lot, but it’s true, there are a lot other great single guys out there. I believe you just have to have patience and know that there is a right guy out there just for you.
Andy.
AGREED! Dont even think about it. Have you watched “He’s Just Not that into You?”. It doesn’t turn out good. How old is this guy I wonder. It’s just plain wrong anyways!!!
I tend to consider shooting little 19 year old girls that hit on my husband.
Just saying………’cause one tried. And he rebuked her for hitting on a MARRIED man that was old enough to be her father. She ended up pregnant 3 months later and married to some guy that dumped her 6 weeks after the baby was born.
Don’t risk it. Find someone that loves you. Married men that flirt typically are looking for nothing more than a diversion.
That man sounds like a dirty pervert. You can’t blame the girl really, she isn’t the one who made a vow.
Just remember one thing: There are some guys who will prey on young girls looking for attention. HE IS MARRIED. Step away!!! I know ….. from my own experience!! Just wrote about this on today’s blog!!!
why would she want to share a man anyway? its not like he’s just going to divorce his wife
Key word…Married. Don’t go there, find a single man. I have a “woman” (I use the term loosely when referring to her) that is after my husband. It hurts. Don’t be selfish.
First of all, he’s married. For you to even consider him in any way isn’t right. Do you not understand the concept of marriage? Also, what if you had a husband and some woman was doing that to you?
Second of all, most men look at women. Married or not. It does NOT mean they want you. It’s a natural thing.
what a stupid girl.
You’re going to lose every time in a relationship with a married man.
Best advice I ever got about relationships came from the movie “Kingpin”.
“You don’t mow another guy’s lawn.”
I don’t know what the female version would be… but you should just forget this situation.
Even if he does get something going with you… you’re just the “other woman”. And if he’s willing to cheat on his WIFE, what do you think he’ll do to you?
don’t do it.
i agree with all the home-wrecker comments. You don’t want that label.
also, don’t be surprised if you move forward with this and end out getting your ass beat by his wife. If I were the wife of this man, that is the first thing that would happen. I promise. Married women don’t tend to to think it is very cute when people move in on their husbands. I don’t care what kind of signals he is sending you, you need to get out of there. It is not worth it. There will be no happy ending in this. Go find someone that isn’t married to fool around with. That is just a big no no. Also, don’t listen to crap like he is having problems at home and is planning to leave his wife. He might not and will just use you and go home to his wife. Probably never had any intention of anything more than a fling.
WOAAAAHHHHHHH NELLY.
Off limits. DDD:
You don’t want to ruin someone’s marriage. ): Like snippie says, there are plenty of single men out there. If you think there’s “no other” like him then think about it this way… if you know what makes you so happy about being with that person and you know what it is that you see in him, then you can find it in someone else. :]
@nothingbeast - agreed.
i would be pissed if i tied the knot and said those difficult, life-altering vows, and some little girl thinks it’s okay to come onto my husband.
i am younger than you, but even i know that people who are already involved are a no-go. you get over it, you find someone else.
I’m with everyone else. It’s best to avoid the married man. Stealing someone’s husband is way different than stealing someone’s boyfriend… neither are good, but marriage is under law and God and all that. Stay away!
Do people really ask questions like that?
Please dont be the woman to steal him away, you dont want that on your concience. He has already said that he doesnt want a relationship… dont read too much into it. Even if he did advance towards you, and you ended up really falling for him…who is to say he wouldnt leave you for someone else? You would constantly have trust issues…
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@poetry2009contest - tell CiaoBella810 shes the one that writes the poems.
@SnippiesBlog - Thanks
With all do respect, DO NOT BE THAT HO!
Wow.
19 year olds these days.
Good grief!! You’re too young for this. Sure, he might be making you all hot and bothered, but it’s not worth it.
Go see “He’s just not that into you” and you will see WHY being interested in a married man is NOT IN THE CARDS and NOT RIGHT! Not only are you burning yourself, you are most likely burning a good woman you’ve never met. Keep those feelings in check and move on sister. Seriously. How would you like it if the tables were turned and you were the wife?
Wikked Ace
Speaking as a representative of the danglier gender, just because we look at you lustfully does not mean we have any intentions of doing anything about it. Most of the time we don’t even notice that we’re ogling you. And even if we do have intentions of doing something about it, it doesn’t mean we have intentions of making an emotional relationship work. See, men have the ability to separate sex from our feelings… it’s a gift.
I know at times in the past I have inadvertently sent the wrong signals to females I’ve known. Nothing you’ve listed here has been an outright indication of him thinking anything of you other than that a) you’re hot, and b) you’re not too annoying to hold a conversation with, at least given point a.
Now, even if he IS into you… what do you want out of this? What do you expect? Do you think he’s THE ONE? Do you think he’s going to leave his wife for you? Do you want that to happen? Or, alternately, are you nineteen with the option of getting any number of other guys just by reminding them that you have breasts? (Really, it’s often that easy.)
In the end, it’s your decision. But you came here for advice, and my advice to you is to forget about him. If you’re having trouble getting over him, repeat this mantra: “he has herpes, he has herpes, he has herpes.”
Pretty good advice.
Great advice, but I’d like to add this:
If he’s willing to cheat on his wife, he’d obviously be willing to cheat on you some day. You’re no different than his wife… if he really is considering you, he has psychological problems that you need to stay away from (simply because he feels the need to cheat on his women). Stay away!
stop thinking about you! it’s not about you. he probably doesn’t want to hurt his wife…the one he’s married to. respect their marriage! how would you feel later on down the road when you’re madly in love and married if your husband screwed around on you…with someone who is thinking just like you are?!
just don’t do it. period.
and be surprised i was nice about the way i put that.
@vanedave - and amen to what he said.
Cute, very cute. I give this blog an A+. Good blog, friend.
S.C.
The real problem is your lack of grammar skills.
Remember, what comes around goes around. Do unto others what do thyself, huh?
Uh….Yeah, let’s go with the first one. Do mess with a married man otherwise he might do the same to you.
Well first, I agree with Snippie, and then I agree with everyone else who has commented up to this point since. Run from that.
dont make a stupid choice. seriously, it will haunt you. are you even seriously thinking about going after a married dude? thats horrible.
I guess there’s excitement that comes with dating someone married. But eh, think long term.
Good luck with your decisions.
@petitenoirtenue - If she knew that he was married and let say, she pursue to be the “other woman,” I think she would be equally blamed too.
As for this case, she still knew that he was married, so still… she should step back and not get involve with him even if he was the one to made the vow.
@jeezshoua - I see your point and sort of agree. My thoughts are that he isn’t going to treat her very special. He’s obviously not loyal. That said, if it wasn’t her it’d be someone else. That’s why I don’t think the other woman should be marked as the home wrecker. Really he is by breaking his vow.
Though her encouraging him isn’t going to help the situation. She should find someone who respects her.
Eek.
Speaking from personal experience… it WILL end badly. I can guarantee that. If you keep things up, if you keep looking for these signals when they’re not really there, if you can’t bring yourself to think of anyone besides yourself… you’re setting yourself up for more trouble than you could ever even imagine.
When I was sixteen I had this fling with a guy who was engaged. And yes, I knew it at the time. And even though she never found out why their engagement didn’t work out, I have to deal with knowing I may have caused that.
Your question should not be phrased in a way so that it sounds like you are asking our permission for you to go for it, because that makes you look like a home wrecker– and don’t fool yourself, you’re never too young to be one of those.
YOU should be the one to put your foot down on the flirtiness, or the “feelings”. He is MARRIED. Not to mention, if he’s acting like that while he’s MARRIED, he will act like that if he gets with YOU.
Even if he’s not acting like an adult, you certainly CAN, and you SHOULD. Walk away. Find a single guy that can devote his attention to you, and doesn’t have to worry about his WIFE finding out.
/lecture.
Good god, was I that stupid at 19? I really don’t think so, I don’t see how it’s possible.
If you need validation so bad that you have to accept flirting from a married man, you have issues. That being said, I can say, as a married man myself, that what you’re describing is common. Single people put out radar. Their whole life revolves around getting hooked up and their signals are out there for all to see. Don’t blame a man for picking up on them, that’s what they are designed to do, attract the opposite sex. Flirting is great fun, as long as you don’t hop over any fences, (touch, or go out together). Just keep it friendly and keep your hands to yourself.
I’m going to have to go off now about body language especially for the women.
If a woman likes a man, (married or otherwise) she will always show it in the most frank ways. She plays with her hair when talking to him, she plays with her fingers, as if they were phallic symbols, she shows her wrists to him, she has her feet pointed at him in a crowd or small gathering. These are all subliminal and most men don’t notice the sign consciously but they do pick up on it subconsciously. It’s a very natural thing, and it’s a very confusing thing because it goes against about every Victorian rule of society that you can name.
That being said, love or lust can be very powerful, and that which you think you want isn’t really all that different from anything else, you just imagine that this one person, (who is off limits to you) is better than someone who is appropriate to be with. Married people are sometimes bored with their spouses and are looking for a little play toy like you, so if that’s your style, (a ho) then go ahead and learn it the HARD way, trust me, I know.
A lot of guys will cheat…..esp with a younger single girl…so unless that is what you want…..don’t give him the opening.
If that is what you want don’t feel bad about ruining his marriage if he is going to cheat he will find someone…..
With that being said don’t go into something like that expecting love and a soul mate. What he does to his wife now would likely repeat to you in the future too.
Don’t tell me this girl is that naive.Also,what’s with the no commas no full stops full-story-one-breath-message?
@Da__Vinci - Ha-hah,the world would be a better place if everybody knew courtship signals and body language(it’s helped me a lot with my friends,you can tell if there’s a problem or if they’re uncomfortable).Speaking of phallic,whats with the pink cigar in yourprofile pic?
@petitenoirtenue - women have a tendency the rake,or the rascal,who doesn’t necessarily treat her espectfully or specially.Look at the playboys of history,they’re littered everywhere,guys who treat girls like shit bu they jus tkeep coming back for more.
@Mallinz - The profile pic is a great example of what I was saying, I was given that by a single woman at work, shes a good friend, but she’s in high gear to get laid, so she subconsciously keeps coming on to everyone in sight. She told me about a very suggestive (to those who know how to interpret dreams) dream she had where I was eating her bagel, (actual bagel, but in dream talk it means something entirely different), then she gave me the picture with the prominent phallic symbol, (my profile pic), this is how she gets me to take her to fancy restaurants for lunch. Her father didn’t pay enough attention to her when she was a child, now whe craves attention from older men.