December 1, 2008
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Dear Snippie #24 (I want more sex!)
Question:
My girlfriend’s sex drive has dropped considerably since she went on the pill. When we first started dating, it wasn’t odd to have sex multiple times when we got together every weekend. Now i’m lucky if it happens once each weekend. I know the pill can cause this (“decreased libido” is listed as a side affect on the brand’s web page) but is there any way of counteracting this without changing to another form of birth control? We like the safety that comes with the pill, but it’s kinda pointless if she’s not in the mood.
UPDATED
blogger has sent in a response to the comments
I know sex tapers off naturally, but such a dramatic drop? We’ve only been dating 7 months and only get to see each other on the weekends. All I know is, she wasn’t on the pill when we first started dating, and we were making love as often as we could. After she went on the pill, that changed. But I’ll take you up on the advice to have her talk with her OBGYN, because i’m still not convinced this is just a natural sex decrease.Answer:
Well I think it would help to know how long you’ve been dating and if you live together. The reason I say this is because this happens all the time in relationships. It’s not necessarily the pill. It’s just the normal progression of a relationship. The animal lust fades away the longer you’re together. The reason this happens is because the lust is what draws two people together in the first place. If this stage was there forever no one would ever get anything done LOL.
So as this could be the pill it could also just be natural. If your GF feels that there’s something wrong have her go to her GYN and talk to her about it. They might be able to help her with a cream if they feel it has to do with the pill.
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Comments (19)
If the pill really decreases libido, I cant wait until I want to have kids!
It will be nonstop sex…
Doing something to help get her in the mood might help. Men are always ready. Women to need ‘get in the mood’ in order to want sex… So finding out what helps put her in the mood (Even if it means sitting through a sappy romance movie) might help out!
@der_lila_Stern - good idea
my sex drive is seasonal…
@der_lila_Stern - I think u’ve got the right idea.
Yeah, maybe it isn’t the pill. Maybe it means you should try new things in bed. =P
The pill is overrated and generally awful and often harmful. I have no statistics or science to support my bold claims. I have no personal experience considering my malenessness. But after accumulating enormous anecdotal evidence (3 people), I’m against it. I think we’re messing with delicate systems that ought not be messed with. Vasectomy is the best way to go if sex without babymaking is your goal.
@AliasUndercover - Vasectomy? are you serious? that’s a little drastic. How about a condom instead
@AliasUndercover - vasectomy’s a good way to prevent babies, but rather expensive. and also not effective within the first weeks to months. a couple at my church conceived right after the man got his vasectomy. just couldn’t wait to get busy, i guess! :)
p.s. for all you guys out there, vasectomy doesn’t mean any of your beloved parts are being cut off. it means that the vessel that transports the sperm into the semen is either sealed or cut. so you’ll be producing sperm-less semen. but remember to use other protection after your surgery until your sperm count is zero!
p.p.s. it is reversible, but that is also costly!
How certain are you that your gf’s “libido” drop is because of the pill? The change in weather alone is enough to make most people tired right now. Also, how much is she working? I know a lot of people work more closer to the holidays…maybe she is just all around tired. I know when I want sleep I’m not necessarily craving sex.
@SnippiesBlog - I think sex is terrific. Huge fan. But it is serious, drastic business.
I don’t care how religious a person is or isn’t. Creationists and Darwinists and any other ists must certainly agree that there is only one “purpose” for sex. And that purpose is procreation. Without doubt, sexual activity has many other benefits, but only one purpose. The act that results in pregnancy is about the most personal, intimate act between 2 people there is – whether or not pregnancy is the intended goal.
If either partner has multiple partners, disease is often a consequence. Sometimes deadly disease. The whole business is serious and has extreme physical and emotional consequences and should not be entered into lightly.
If a male wants to sire children, he should find a desirable mate and sire children. If he doesn’t want to, the best way to avoid siring children is a severed vas deferens.
If woman doesn’t want to be a mother, the best way to have sexual intercourse and avoid pregnancy is with a surgically altered partner. Any other method is fraught with peril (imo).
If either partner is not careful then unwanted pregnancy and/or disease is not only possible, but likely. I don’t care how educated you are.
Condoms give a false sense of security. Great care is required to achieve the desired result, during a time when great care is a low priority.
And the pill? Scientists are too arrogant and drug manufacturers are too greedy. The whole marvelous, wondrous conglomeration of sugar and spice and everything nice that is Woman deserves more reverence than they seem willing to give. Anyone that is trying to get pregnant can tell you how complex a woman’s reproductive system is. Whether by Special Creation or blind, stupid chance, there are so many different elements and forces at work to create an environment that will nuture an infant. Scientists are arrogant to think they have produced something that will defeat such a complex system without consequence and drug lords can’t make a profit if the consequences are documented too well.
The “idea” of the pill is so tempting to men and women that they ignore the other consequences.
@nuttynutrition@healthkicker - I think a vasectomy is much cheaper than a lifetime supply of condoms and probably just a few years supply of The Pill. But you should definitely be sure you don’t want to sire anymore children.
I know a man who was questioned before he had his procedure, “What if, God forbid, something happens to your other children? Are you sure you wouldn’t want more?” Quickly, the man replied, “Doctor, I wouldn’t take a million dollars for any of my children and I wouldn’t give you a nickel for another!”
I like burritos. Mmm. Cheese.
My fiance and I had sex more times a day than I can count on all my fingers in the beginning, but after a few months it was just like. “Wanna have sex?” *sigh* “I guess.” It was like work at that point and we were both so busy that taking time away from something else just didn’t seem logical to us. I do wish that sex drive would come back though…I think we both kinda miss it!
Perhaps you’re just not “woahing” her any more. You know you’re past the whole “Damn, I can’t keep my hands off him” stage. Find something to get her in the mood. Relive your first date or th first time you had sex together. You can even NOT have sex for a weekend or two. The wait will make it all the better.
just like the question-asker, i only get to see my boyfriend on the weekends. we’ve been together for 3 years now. it’s not always feasible to be as lovey as we’d like, when we’re mostly packing, driving, unpacking. that makes the time we do get together all the more satisfying.
i found it very sweet that he said, “homework and school is more important for you right now. i don’t worry about us, because we’ll have time for us when you’re done.” i can’t WAIT for break!!! <3
What a greedy race. Everyone wants sex without consequence. Sometimes though… the purpose of sex is not just children. Sometimes sex is used to show appreciation. Sometimes the purpose is for revenge (which I am highly against). Sure, children are the ultimate goal physically, but there is so much more emotionally and mentally.
As far as birth control… there are many different ways to go about it. I don’t see why some of you think it should be the man’s responsibility. On the other hand, I don’t think it should primarily fall on the woman. Every type of birth control has a certain percentage of fail except for one, abstinance. With that being said, wouldn’t it be safer to take responsibility on both ends? Men should carry their own condoms and women should take whichever path they deem necessary.
As far as the libido. Again, it is not how it seems. Believe it or not, but not all men are “ready to go” and not all women need to “get in the mood”. Sometimes the role is reversed. Me and my s/o are a prime example. Point being if you miss sex with her that much, then something is different and something needs to change. There are countless ways to do this… but ultimately, its you who needs to do something about it if you think something is wrong.
So good luck.
Oh noes! Not the pill!! One of the “fun” facts of the pill, is the reduction in sex drive for a good percentage of women. I guess the drug manufacturers figured the best way to keep women from getting pregnant was to kill the desire to even HAVE sex in the first place. Thanks a lot jackasses!
Her OB/GYN should be able to switch her prescription up to something else that’s less “moody”. It’s definitely not a natural event, it’s drug related.
Every woman experiences the pill differently. I mean, birth control. I haven’t been on the pill since I was 18 since I used to forget to take it all the time. I’m on another type of BC and it hasn’t affected my sex drive whatsoever. But yeah, seeing her OBGYN is a good idea. They would know more!
Try fun new things, warming lotions, toys, etc.