I have an addiction.
I’m addicted to products.
Hair products.
I can’t stop buying them.
Every time I go to the store I get a new one
What’s wrong with the ones I have already?
Why do I have this need to buy more?
What empty void in my life am I filling with hair products?

I have a lot of time off of work during the Holidays. I get a paid vacation. The kids are with their dad until Thursday. I could be doing anything and yet I choose to sit at home and do nothing. Why? Why is it that all I want to do is clean house, watch tv and be on my laptop? I should be outside enjoying this lovely day. I should be visiting with family. I should be at the mall. Anything but sitting at home in my pajamas. Right?
Is it because I usually work 40 hours a week, am a mother of 2 and never get the time to do nothing all day? Is it because normally my brain is thinking thinking thinking and now I dont have to think about a damn thing? I can just relax. Watch my TruTv and talk to my Xanga friends as much as I want.
Why do I feel guilty about enjoying my time off this way? Why do I feel it’s wrong to want to do nothing?
Is it because it is wrong?
How do you like to spend your time off?

I don’t talk to him. I haven’t in over 10 years. I miss him yet wouldn’t want to see him ever again. He use to make me laugh and cry. Hide and Play. Shake and Scream. It was my choice though. My choice to never speak to him again. He was awful. Mean. Cold. It was his way or no way. So i chose my way.

My kids have never met him. Its sad but the more I think about it it’s definitely for the best. They’re better off not knowing him. You can’t miss what you don’t know.

The rest of his family have no disowned him. They want nothing to do with his as well. He tried suing his mother for his inheritance….his mothers not dead. He didn’t attend his father funeral. He keeps me and my siblings from speaking to each other. We tried keeping it a secret for 2 years but he found out and put an end to it.

He’s not a kind man.

I realized that my anger stemmed from him. My uncontrolled anger. All from not having that unconditional love and affection. A daughter needs that from her father. She needs it in order to feel special and important. With out that she will be searching for it in other people.

How do you get over something as traumatic as losing a father. You don’t. You learn how to deal with it. You cope. You grow. You heal.

UPDATE
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for being so supportive. I tried keeping up and replying to everyone but it got a little overwhelming. So thank you for all of your well wishes. I also wanted to say something to the people that have the same issues I have. Just remember that it has nothing to do with who you are. It’s about the parent not being able to handle it. Don’t blame yourself for someone’s faults. Stay strong and try not to take out your anger for him on anyone else. That was my hardest hill but i climbed it and am not on the other side.
Love you all
Becca

I’ve never really written a blog about myself. I don’t know why. I guess i just feel uncomfortable talking about myself and having people comment on it. Also do people really care enough to actually hear what i have to say about me? I never thought so. But I’ve been thinking lately. All of you share yourselves with me. You open your hearts and your souls. I have learned so much about all of you but really you know nothing about me. So for my New Years resolution I’m going to start writing blogs about myself, my family and my life. I’m going to share myself with all of you and take the chance of opening up. I think it will be good for me. Therapeutic almost. So here’s to the New Year and my new blog!

xoxo,
Snippie
(Becca)

The Global Warming CO2 Scam?
What do you think?

HAM FAIL

from my favorite blog in the whole world
failblog.org