November 8, 2008
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Dear Snippie #3 (Fantasies)
Question:
Why are women so reluctant to open up their sexual fantasies and desires to their boyfriends?
I understand all too well why they don’t do it casually. But one would think that they trust their boyfriend’s enough with those fantasies and desires.Answer:
Well, it’s very difficult for most women to open up. Most women have had bad sexual experiences and have a hard time overcoming them. Personally, It took me a very long time to become comfortable with my sexuality. Some woman go the complete opposite spectrum and become over sexual. So really, it just depends on the woman. The woman has to be comfortable with herself first before she can experiment with anyone else.
So that’s why I think woman are reluctant to open up.—————————————
Time for your comments.
Don’t forget to keep the sex questions coming. Message them to me and find out what everyone thinks without them knowing its you!
Comments (23)
I agree. You have to be completely confident and at peace with your sexual thoughts before you can divulge them to your partner.
One thing to look into are sexual surveys that you and your partner can fill out, to “open the door” for conversation, so to speak. It’s especially helpful to get the conversation flowing. Good luck!
HA. I… wrote an entry called “Guys, I think I’m gay” once.
… I’m not like other women, when it comes to keeping sexual fantasies to m’self, am I.
I would add the sexual chemistry in the equation. Some people “click” instantly (or easily) sexually, something that makes it better and faster to open up. Otherwise i would suggest plenty of conversation and honesty. Cheers!
Also, a lot of women feel pressure to be “normal” when it comes to sex. That’s why all those magazines exist! Every person is different, but there are a lot of generalizations about female and male desire and sexual satisfaction (like the myth that there’s something “wrong” or “defective” about a woman who can’t achieve orgasm through simple intercourse) that makes it hard to feel comfortable communicating with your partner while not trying to make him feel like he’s doing a bad job. Ask your partner what she likes, what doesn’t work for her, what she’d like to try. Be willing to try new things!
i”m very open with my sexual fantasies.
maybe someone women are hesitant because well, thats just the way some women are. perhaps they are afraid of being judged?
i’m even open about problems i have or things i dont like.
for example:
i don’t like when a man licks a womans ass. i don’t care if i just came out of the shower and wiped myself clean 50x times. i do not want to be licked.
and i think i have pleasure issues. i’ve only had sex 3 times and most of the times, it was painful and did not enjoy it. why? i donno. i just really hope it was the inexperience. i only kept going because he enjoyed it.
aurora
ps
i love porn.
pss
i have thought of experimenting with women.
a lot of the women I know are pretty open about it. my ex was a bit of a freak in that regard. to all you other guys, no you may not have her number
Me and my BO.. R Too Young.. But when we get older and more comfertable, I feel we will get into that
Personally I think that most women want thier boyfriends/husbands to “stumble” across their sexual fantasies without actually sharing it, which is stupid because most boys wouldn’t know obvious if it slapped them across the ass.
I think a lot of women are too worried about being viewed as a “slut” if they allow a guy to know what they really want. But in the end if they do…sex usually ends up being better for both parties.
@bluemarsupial - I know women who play that game, and it sucks royally. Personally, I’m not gettin’ any until I get married, so it doesn’t matter to me about opening up to my boyfriend, but I understand the dilemma. When I was having sex, if I tried to open up about my sexual fantasies to my SO I was usually shot down, which hurts.
Oh no, Snippie, please don’t tag me for these sex advice posts. I’m not a big fan of such posts on Xanga. The last thing Horny Xangans need is additional inspiration, ha.
I think you did a good job on this question snippie!q
@Pyrra - Sex was kind of painful for the first few times for me,it did not get good until about the eighth time and then it was fun!
well i have someone (my rommie) siting right next to me who jumps at the thought of being touched by a man… gotta do something for her ….
Some women are reluctant to share their fantasies with their boyfriend since they might be scared of what their boyfriend might think of them. I know I was scared in the beginning but now, I let it be known what I like or don’t like. As Snippie also said, a woman has to become more comfortable with herself before being comfortable with their SO.
@BarelyJen - great idea about the surveys. And you are completely right about being comfortable with yourself to be able to open up. It took me 10 years after losing my virginity to find someone (my husband) to be completely comfortable with and be able to express my true feelings and desires. Some women can do it without the love factor involved but for me, that’s what it took to be 100% comfortable with myself and my partner.
Off and running. Definitely keep up the good advice.
I can’t have too much input on sex and women. =/ haha still a virgin.
ah, where’s the communication?!
@npr32486 - yes! thank you for adding that
12 years after my first time I still have issues opening up to my partner. I am getting better at is slowly, but like someone mentioned getting shot down can stop the flow of communication.
sex should make u relax till that time carry on
Some are just nervous about what to say or how to describe it